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But I haven’t been with anyone who is below the age of consent for a long time, and I certainly never filmed any!”“OK. Go on.”“We became lovers, but only after she had a long struggle with whether she wanted me for a father figure or a lover. She chose lover for about a year, then switched for me to be her mentor and close friend. It’s worked out well for both of us. But the whole thing with her dad, and I met him quite a few times before he was arrested, was the way he treated young women. And I was afraid of becoming him. In fact, I was afraid I HAD become him. Ultimately, that led to me limiting who I was with, and winding down some of my relationships. From that point on, there were a few special girls who helped direct me, but ultimately one who had more impact on me than anyone since Anala.”“When did this feeling start?”“Around the time I went to Saint Martin with Samantha and her friends. Do I need to draw you a picture?”Doctor Mercer shook her head and smiled ruefully, “No.. I’m also Heathen and find comfort in the sagas of my ancestors and the images of Freyja, sweet Sunna, and Hel. The Disir I adore. What’s interesting is faith or no faith I’m observant enough to know that there’s things that go bump in the night that a .357 won’t do nothing for. They don’t depend on your frame of mind. They just are.The upshot is I decided to quit being angry. There’s no sense in being angry at myself for being unable to do the impossible. I’m happier. My problems still suck but I don’t feel a maelstrom tearing me apart. I can focus on healing and if that’s not possible I can focus on enjoying what time I have left as me.This last week I discovered CBD. I knew about it, but hadn’t tried it until my friend who’s a shrink talked me into it. Us former law enforcement/security types have an aversion to it. I was in a moderate Aphasia phase which means I could only speak in two to three word sentences and was having to use an electronic speech device. An app called “Help.
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